SCREW U.
This School Sucks: 14 Places to Get Some on Campus

Of course it would be nice if you were out of the closet and living in a place where you could just bring someone. Too bad that's not always the case. But if you keep yourself safe, use your wits and don't get caught, you can get laid without leaving campus. Here's where.

02  Big universities usually have several smaller specialized libraries in addition to the main one. No one ever goes to these libraries. You can.

03  In your dorm room closet. Just for the poetry of it.

04  Got a big student union building? Then you have lots of tucked away places to slip into. Again, low-traffic rest rooms are usually best. There's always a glory hole cut into a stall wall. Always.

05  In the college band's solo practice rooms. The walls are padded to insulate sound and comfortably fit at least one person and his instrument. Hang your jacket over the little door window and you're set.

06  In the wrestling team's practice rooms. You get a padded floor permeated with wrestler sweat.

07  In the chapel's confessionals (Catholic schools only).

08  If you're a teaching assistant, use the office of whatever professor you're working for.

09  Student recreation center or gym. There are usually more men in the steam room than there are working out.

10  Equipment storage rooms. But you may need something to cut off the padlock.

11  At the campus baseball diamond. If the dugout has actual walls, you're in business. Chainlink fences, however, tend to make you visible.

12  In the DJ booth of the college radio station. This location works best if you're the DJ. Put on a really long song and lock the door.

13  Backstage of the school theater--but not during classes or actual performances.

14  Every college has at least one library men's room that's used solely for fag-sex. Even straight guys know this and usually avoid it for fear of being seen there. Find it.

Text by Kirk Hartlage


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