Readers! Have you fantasized about being part of your favorite erotic magazine? (Um, this one.) Have you spent nights thinking up naughty schemes for getting yourself between our pages for your 15 minutes of shame…er, fame? Do you fancy yourself a brilliant wordsmith destined to bring legions of men to their knees with your capable, knowledgeable, purple prose? Have you been aching to share with the world that one amazing sex trick of yours that drives your man to the brink faster than Jeff Gordon on a Nascar track?!

Of course you have! And now you don't have to wait any longer.

Starting right here, right now, we're making you, the Unzipped Monthly reader, part of the team. Except for the small, tiny little fact that we're not gonna be sharing our paychecks (I mean, hello! What do you take us for?), we are going to share the editorial limelight with you. You'll be able to brag to all your friends that smarty-pants you is a contributor to the coolest gay sex magazine around. Think of all the offers you'll get once guys know you're, like, way famous and smart and stuff!

All you have to do is send us an e-mail about your personal experiences with the topic we give you. Simple. Easy. Fun for the whole family. And you might even save some poor putz out there from having a night of crap sex! That makes you practically a super hero!

So read the topic below, click on the e-mail link, and tell us all about your adventures in sexland. Include what you'd like your byline to read (i.e. Rob from Florida, or Frank M. from Billings, Montana) and your e-mail address.

Now go forth, rise, and conquer!

In 300 words or less, tell us about your most whorable, excuse us, horrible sexual experience. Tell us what happened, who it was with (trick, hustler, ex-boyfriend, ex-boyfriend's boyfriend...but no names, please), and why it was so bloody god-awful. We want to know what he did wrong, how badly he did it wrong, and what you did afterward or if you just up and left before anybody had even come...

So why would we want to know this? you're asking yourselves. Not because we want to laugh at you (well, not really), but think of the good you'll do when others read about your crap shags and learn from your mistakes. Really, we're all about making your bedroom a better, more exciting place to have sex in. Don't you love us now?

The best, funniest, most horrendous submissions will be printed in an upcoming issue of Unzipped Monthly!

Good luck!

By submitting a story to Unzipped.net, you are agreeing to the following terms and conditions: All submissions become the property of Unzipped Monthly and Specialty Publications LLC, which reserves the right to use the material in any form. I hereby give Specialty Publications LLC full worldwide rights and exclusive permission to copyright and publish the above submission with or without my name and to make any changes or additions whatsoever, whether true or fictional. I represent and warrant that I am the sole creator of the story, and that the story contains no libelous or unlawful matter and that it in no way infringes or violates any copyright or violates any right of privacy or any other right of person or party. I agree to hold Publisher (Specialty Publications LLC) harmless against any claim, demand, action or suit that may be brought. I understand that editorial matter may accompany my submission, as well as illustrations and/or photographs. I certify that I am 18 years of age or older.